Humility

If everyone was a millionaire, then no one would be rich.

UFOs

If you see a UFO, then you probably spend your Saturday nights at Wal-Mart.

Move

If you think it's cold, then cash your reality check for a flight to Syracuse.

Perception

If you only keep your eyes on the target, then you won't be aware that others are keeping their eyes on you.

Current Events

If you can cry, then you are on the way to becoming President.

Geografolly

If the South Americans got a vote, then most planned obsolescent products wouldn't be "America's Favorite."

Ethereal

If you believe in an illusion, then it can hurt you.

Devolution?

If your arms fall off, then you'll have to swim like a tadpole.

The Sad Truth

If you take steroids, then you can make millions writing a book about it.

Titles

If your local newspaper has a cool name, then you're probably not from Earth.

Location, Location, Location

If you find yourself in Delaware, then don't order Mexican food.

Hand-Me-Down

If the glove doesn't fit, then you should give it to your little brother.

Truth

If I stop thinking about her, then I'll be able to sleep at night.